you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
