Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
