the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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