Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize