I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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