It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
