so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Someone shit on the floor
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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