It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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