Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
