I can tuck mytits in my pants
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this will be a night to untag.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Couch. On fire.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
