I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
