wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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