Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
