My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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