Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
