Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
