Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
