Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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