If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
