me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
