I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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