I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
