I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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