I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
