Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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