Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize