Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
