I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
