Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
there is glitter all over my balls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
