no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is classic penis vs brain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
