Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I need a burrito and a hug.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize