Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I accidentally burped into my bong.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
