Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
