Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
