After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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