I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
