pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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