I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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