you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
