haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize