i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
