how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
