mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
