Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
