actually, I'm a sock model
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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