lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize