I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
