insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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