Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
