There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
