she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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