well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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