maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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