i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
foreskin is a definite game changer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
