Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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