Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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