i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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