too bad you live with your parents still
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
