Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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