Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
