Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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