i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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