I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Vodka?
Forever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
