Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
