Screwed.edu
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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