SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
