so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
