Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
