The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
