i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
