So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
