matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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