I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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