i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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