lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
