yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
