hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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