He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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