I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
