i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
