i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
