Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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