Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
