Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
