My room smells like vodka and shame
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
