She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
