I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
