she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
