and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
