so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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