I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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