So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
