my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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